Proto-Fascists From Denmark Support Bush

Associated Press is reporting that Bush has a slight edge over Kerry after the final debate. Can we expect another four years of peace? Hmmm...no, that's not right. Prosperity?...what about fiscal restraint? Er, no.

Luckily for the Bush campaign, a couple of Europeans with viking helmets full of dreams are driving across the Lower 48 in an RV; yes, they're called "Danes for Bush" and they love the American leader. Hell, their website links to his campaign page with the slogan "Hail to the Chief!". (Last time Denmark was occupied, they had to "heil" to a "chief" also. Sadly, he was the architect of a massive genocide and a sick fuck to boot. I guess these Danes haven't read their history books.)

Ever vigilant versus "the enemy within", they label their fellow Danes as turncoats due to their contempt for the Abu Ghraib scandal:

"For anybody who loves freedom reading the Danish newspapers is a depressing exercise. Traditionally staunch and wise intellectuals, who normally take a proud stand against the overwhelming influence exerted by left-wing sentimentalists on Danish politics, have suddenly exposed themselves as big-time turncoats.

In an interview in the national Danish newspaper Berlingske Tidende, personalities such as Ditlev Tamm, Claes Kastholm Hansen, Henning Fonsmark, Ulrik Høy and Bent Jensen disavow their once steadfast support to he Coalition of the Willing and the fight to bring democracy, peace and prosperity to the people of Iraq.

Not realising that you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, the few irregularities which took place in the Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq have managed to topple their belief in the global War Against Terror. “I am angry, I feel deceived,” says Claes Kastholm Hansen to the newspaper, regarding the mismanagement of Abu Ghraib. Shame on Claes Kasthom Hansen and his band of sissies, might we add."
[Ed. Note: Italics mine!]

"Save us from Old Europe!" their website pleads. Why should anyone "save" them? The CIA World Factbook 2004 describes Denmark as a pretty nice place to live.

"This thoroughly modern market economy features high-tech agriculture, up-to-date small-scale and corporate industry, extensive government welfare measures, comfortable living standards, a stable currency, and high dependence on foreign trade."

The Danes for Bush "road team" consists of two intellectuals who operate out of Copenhagen; Mads Cortzen and Jacob Boeschou. Cortzen apparently "...studied rhetoric at Copenhagen University and knows how to deliver a speech which is right on the money." Boeschou "likes to quote Adam Smith and is an avid collector of various military artefacts (sic) from The Second World War." I wonder if he collects allied artifacts, or does he have a bunch of tea sets with little swastikas and Iron Crosses on them?

I'm not 100 percent sure whether or not this is a big joke or some sort of psychological experiment being conducted by some twisted Danish psychologist. Can this NGO group be real? What do you think? Will the enormous inflatable sausage mascot influence you to vote Bush on November 2nd? If so, please excuse me as I swig a bottle of Rye and cry softly in the nearest available corner.

Ré / Création: Where Literature and Music Are Connected

Calling all French-speaking literary fans and anyone seeking a good internet radio show! If you dig bands like Bright Eyes, Arcade Fire, Arab Strap, or anything else "exponential", check out the online radio show Ré/Création hosted by Anouck Vigneau and Geneviève Bouchard. Focusing on literature and its relation to other art forms, listeners are encouraged to submit questions or comments which will be addressed in next week's show.


Ré/Création airs every Wednesday from 11 AM to Noon. This week, Anouck won't be able to make it but Geneviève has a good show planned. Jeremy Brendan will be manning the soundboard to the best of his ability, so when you hear those buttons being pushed, you'll know that he really exists. JB will try his best to convince Geneviève to put on a Julie Doiron song (and if we're lucky, she might even allow an Ed Harcourt track!).

Bring your thinking caps and a nice hot cup of coffee. If you can't listen when the show is live, don't forget that it is archived on the Ré/Création website. If you don't speak French, now is a good time to learn. Vive la musique qui allume la flamme éternel, qui lève mon âme vers le ciel!

Album Review: Arcade Fire- "Funeral"

Rating: 4.7 out of 5
~ ~ ~ { } {} { } ~ ~ ~
In early September, I contacted Merge Records and requested a Promo copy of the AF's "Funeral". They were kind enough to send me one poste-haste and I received it close to two weeks later. Perhaps it is telling that not only did the first pressing of the CD sell out across North America (the second press which should arrive in stores very soon), I got the promo cd stolen by a former DJ at Reggie's Pub (you know who you are, dark haired girl with the pigtails!).

Luckily, prior to the maddeningly-ironic theft, I listened to it reverently over a period of several days and its songs have been comitted to my memory. Once you hear these tunes, you won't soon forget them, either. Bold and effortless, "Funeral" is not a droopy, depressing affair like the name might suggest; it is more like a wake where life's little miracles are celebrated and remembered.

The first track "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" starts with Win Butler strumming insistently and exploring his quivery, confident vocal range. "Purify the colors / purify my mind / and spread the ashes of the colors / over this heart of mine" sings Win as the song builds to an anthemic denoument. After I heard this song played at high volume, I could feel the weight of my troubles being lifted from my shoulders.

Three of the songs are entitled Neighborhood but the strongest may be the second track, "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)". Spectral-voyage harmonics and chanted vocals in the first verse build up the tension when Sarah Neufeld's violin begins to leap out at you. Meanwhile, Régine's accordion holds the song together like silken string. "Laika" evokes images of a drug-addicted brother battling with his parents, much to the amusement of his voyeuristic neighbors. "When Daddy comes home, you'll start a fight / so the neighbors can dance / in the police disco lights". Utilitarians at heart, the whole band chides Alex for his indulgent behaviour by singing "It's for your own good / it's for the neighborhood".

"Crown of Love" sounds vaguely like a Bright Eyes song, only Win is closer to the prairies than he knows. I can even hear traces of Neil Young in his voice, even though Mr. Butler prefers Motown or soul music. When the band changes time near the end of the tune, the sadness of the track dissipates and the sun shines all over the place.



"Wake Up" may be in the running for "Song of the Year". Live, it is without rival, but they managed to trap that unknown quantity for the record. It begins with a haunting "Whoa" chorus which sounds almost like a Native American prayer, dispelling bad omens and inviting us to free ourselves from the trap of Western Living. "Children / Wake up / hold your / mistake up / before they / turn the summer into dust!" Win intones. "We're just a million little gods / causing rain storms!" "Wake Up" never fails to send a chill down my spinal column, reminding me that I'm mortal and that I must devour every single moment of my life.

There are several other keepers on "Funeral". "Rebellion (Lies)" always makes me think of the Pixies trying to cover a lost David Bowie song. Other reviewers have likened Win's voice to David Byrne but I must plead ignorance on this question (I've never even listened to the Talking Heads before, but so what if he does? Great bands don't crawl out of a Dirt Devil.) "In the Backseat" gives us a solemn Régine wishing that she could go back to the innocence of being young and unaware, before her family tree began to "lose all it's leaves". Her voice is like a kitten hiding beneath the sofa, gentle and wary of strangers, but full of love and sadness. The only stumble on "Funeral" is possibly the track "Haiti", if only because the guitar riff sounds cribbed from the Bloodhound Gang's "Fire Water Burn".

With all the critical acclaim that this album has received, it is tempting to kick over the sand castle and call "Funeral" several bad names. Personally, I couldn't care less about what the Pitchforks and Rolling Stones of the world think about the AF, because this band is as gifted as it is prolific (they wrote over 100 songs in the past few years but only recorded an EP & an LP) and they shall never be defeated. "Funeral" is a multi-tonal, bombastic compilation of unnatural musical beauty. Hands down, this is the best CD to touch my fingers in at least 5 years; like a cobweb in a doorway glistening with dew, "Funeral" will moisten your eyes and stick to your heart for ages.

For track samples, you can always visit their Allmusic.com album review or the Arcade Fire's website.

Live: The Paperbacks, Trailer, & the Weakerthans @ Club Soda, October 1st

Forgive me for taking so long to write this post; I've been suffering from a bad case of malaise since I saw the Weakerthans show on Friday night. My heart has been ground into paste and my eyes are sunken into my head. I feel like I witnessed the death of something pure.

Having scored some great seats--upper gallery, left side of the stage, right beside the Bose speakers--my pals and I were expecting a tour de force. Although we hadn't heard the two opening bands before, I was hoping that the mystical ability of John K. Samson would inspire the openers to do something magical. First up were a band from Winnipeg. The lead singer was very chatty and explained that he got the gig because he grew up with the Weakerthans. Tragically, the Paperbacks turned out to be a rehashed Sum 41/Dashboard Confessional purveyor of pop-punkisms. As the lead singer hopped around like a one-legged penguin, my friend Gen kept repeating "these guys suck." Although I wasn't ready to condemn them quite yet, it was only a matter of time.

Although their tunes are pleasant, the Paperbacks lack the heart and soul to be real punks. Instead, we have a singer who croons about how no girls love him, a bass player who thinks that he's in Limp Bizkit, a lead guitarist who hides in the background and tries his best to remain stoic while the ship is sinking, and a pretty good drummer. Yes, the man on the skins was the only one in the band who belonged up there; he actually looked like he had something to prove, bellowing into his microphone while keeping the beat, and that is the one saving grace of the Paperbacks.

When your drummer overshadows the rest of your band, it is time to start thinking about going into the insurance business. Another option for these guys is to give up the punk pretense and stick to soft rock, or perhaps start a record label and give their equipment to the first band they sign.

Next up was the local band Trailer. "Don't worry," I told Gen, "I'm sure these guys are going to rock." She nodded and sipped her Boreale Blonde. I could see the doubt in her eyes. According to the Pop Montreal site, Trailer play "(a) perfect mix of blues sensitivity and pop bliss." They sounded more confident than the opening act and their instrumentation was more diverse. Not unlike Wilco at some points, I must say that their countrified psychadelia was very well received by the crowd and I was digging their sound.

At one point, the violin player sat down at the piano and her voice reminded me of Ani DiFranco or possibly Tori Amos. Although their songs began to blend together into a seamless whole, I was fairly happy with their set, at least until the bizarre ode to Jesus and his saving graces in the last song (which was good but made my skin crawl--I don't respond well to preaching, unless it is from the Violent Femmes).

Then, the Weakerthans took the stage. The place was full by now and the crowd was elated, applauding wildly. I sat on the edge of my seat and waited for rain. I'm still waiting.

Before the show, I was ranting to Gen and Nick about how John K. Samson is a true poet. "He is the second coming of Leonard Cohen," I told them. I was ready to deify the poor guy. To their mutual annoyance, I rambled on and on about the way "Elegy for Elsabet" made me cry the first time I heard it. With a build-up like that, it is no small wonder that we were all let down.

John K. was chewing gum flippantly and playing as if he had punched a clock. I clenched my teeth and hoped that this was just a stumble. "They're just warming up," I thought. The first few songs were fast and hard but something was missing. The Weakerthans sound so humble and brave on their albums that I expected to hear something wonderful and anthemic at their live show. Instead, I had speedy pop-punkisms and a couple of older songs thrown in to pacify the rowdy fans in the back who didn't want to hear the new material.

"Aside" sounded fairly good but it didn't colour outside any lines. It was a connect-the-dots hit song, played efficiently like a German symphony, but without any chutzpah or joy. I flailed my head wildly, hoping that this song would be the beginning of a raucous second half of the set. Instead, it was the high-water mark of the show, and everything dribbled downhill from there.

Although I stayed for both encores, I felt a deep sense of loss by the end of the night. The shrine I had built to the Weakerthans in my head had been smashed by barbarian invaders. Live, they underwhelmed me. They're not hungry anymore. Sampson seemed bored and closed up on stage. Although his bandmates trudged on through the songs, he didn't seem to show any signs of joy, except maybe during the encores. Secretly, I wished that I had gone to the Unicorns show instead. It isn't enough to play your songs; you have to display them with passion, or pride, or something, anything except ho-hum consistency. The fact that I was sober was even more damning, because I didn't have the artificial flavouring of drunkeness to camouflage the awful taste in my mouth.

Maybe this was only an aberration; perhaps Samson was just having a rough night. Still, I have this sinking feeling that I should have seen them when they weren't famous, when they weren't getting stunning reviews in Exclaim; I can't go back in time but I wish I could. On Friday night, one of my favourite bands was stolen from me and replaced with a cynical, loveless group of imposters, incapable of changing the world. I expected more from the Weakerthans and that is why I got burned. I think I'm going to drink a bottle of whiskey now.

Jeremy Brendan Complains to Teacher, Invites Further Bullying

My vitriol is unmatched! I am a white-hot ball of blogging fury! Exclaim has gone too far and now I'm sick and tired of sitting on my hands (They're getting sweaty under there, anyhow). Witness the hateful riposte I flung at Exclaim magazine tonight from my Operamail account:

Dear Exclaim!,

As a fervent admirer of your publication, I turned the other cheek when your profile on the Arcade Fire (Sept. '04) referenced my interview without proper attribution. I know that everyone hates bellyachers so I bit my lip and kept quiet, despite the way Michael Barclay called my blog a "fanzine". That was a real kick in the jewels.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the October issue of Exclaim and discovered that you wrote about another one of my favourite bands, Wolf Parade, only to post the wrong picture to accompany the write-up! I'm not sure who that is with the guitar string in his mouth--it could be Spencer, only he's a keyboardist--but you can be sure it isn't Dan, the guitarist & lead vocalist of WP.

This kind of amateurish journalism is what makes me want to quit the whole writing thing and become a hermit somewhere in Appalaicha. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Despicably Yours,
Jeremy Brendan
"Jeremy Brendan--My Life as a Reptile"
http://jeremybrendan.blogspot.com

P.S. I still love y'all but redress is in order, wouldn't you say?

We shall see if they have the cojones to publish it in their "Letters" section. I would be satisfied with a simple correction in a future issue, although a job would be even better. Yes, I am a fucking sell-out. I would cut off my left leg to write for a vital Can-rock magazine like Exclaim.

Still, the email wasn't intended to earn me a spot on their masthead; I just want to see some justice from these navel-gazing scenesters. I am a modern-day John Wilkes, if you will. Let us see if the number 45 gets scrawled on the bathroom walls of Exclaim offices in the near future. Brendan and liberty!

[Ed. Note: JB, how do you expect to get their attention when you're parading around these twenty-dollar words like a pretentious Ontarian? "Redress"? What the fuck? Stick to rock criticism and let the big boys run their business.]

Bush Vs. Kerry: The First Debate

As I watched Bush dodge Kerry's constant attacks and accusations on CNN tonight, I couldn't help but think of a Bright Eyes song called "Bottom of Everything (We Must Sing)". When he played it live on television (I think it was on Late Night with Conan O'Brien), lead singer Connor Oberst said "This song is going out to the President and to the Governor of California...two men that I admire a lot...for their biceps and their creepy fascist agendas! One, two, six, six six..." before breaking into song. Could Oberst be a modern-day Bob Dylan? You tell me:

"We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read
and in the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
we must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
and in the ear of every anarchist who sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun
He says death will give us back to God just like setting sun
is returned to the lonesome ocean"

Although I've chopped out at least one verse and a modified final chorus, I hope that you can see how this song would be relevant in contemporary America. "Don't vote for the Dems or Osama is going to getcha!" the GOP screeches, without considering that it was under a Republican's watch that the most devastating terror attack transpired. They are selling fear and I hope America won't buy it.

I know that some people are convinced that Kerry is a flip-flopper. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you were steering your vehicle into a ditch, wouldn't it make sense to jerk the wheel in the other direction? Bush might say "remain steadfast and don't change course" but quite frankly, that is the equivalent of saying that a President's decisions are both infallible and static. How can you run a nation (and protect them from harm's way) if you can't even admit when you're wrong?

Say what you will about the late Ronald Reagan, but at least he had the balls to stand up and admit his responsibility for the Contra affair. I hope that Americans remember this when they go to the polls on November 1st.

A paranoid part of me wants to believe that the whole Iraq War in 2003 was just a diversion tactic by the Bush Administration to draw attention away from economic woes, those notorious tax cuts (and elimination of the dividend tax), and Bush's failure to capture Osama Bin Laden. If you conduct a search of the Whitehouse official site, you will find that the last mention of Bin Laden was back in July! Of course, can you blame Bush? He's busy being a war president.

John Kerry looked fairly confident in the debate but I was frightened by echoes of famous Democratic loser Michael Dukakis, as Kerry spoke. Kerry may have come across as a mean-spirited fellow, not a fence-mending rancher/Marlboro man like George W. Bush or his template Ronald Reagan. Kerry did get some jabs in about Bush's lack of military service and he also played his experienced leader/fresh start card several times. Bush looked befuddled frequently and had some issues with the English language, but he is like a sidewinder. He always gets away.

The funny thing is that Bush and Reagan do have something in common--they both avoided military service. Reagan got off because he was an actor while Bush escaped from Vietnam because he had a wealthy father. Some guys get all the breaks.

[Ed. Note: Looks like Kerry is back in this thing. A USA Today poll suggests that Kerry was perceived as a good speaker and many people (including those crucial "swing voters") are beginning to believe that JFK might be up to the task of running the country. Bush, on the other hand, looked slightly disturbed by many of the questions. Also, he repeated himself quite frequently and even spouted a couple of illogical statements. Also, how many times can you repeat that being President is "hard work"? Pleasure Captains.com has posted a video entitled "How Bush did" which is somewhat humourous but fairly revealing of Bush's poor showing. Admittedly, they've chopped up some of his responses (which is a form of propaganda, taking things out of context) but many of the statements are bizarre on their own, context be damned. Watch the video on their site and come back to let me know if you think that Bush has hurt his chances of re-election.]

What did you think of the first Presidential debate? Did Bush hold his ground? Does Kerry have any momentum going into the next debate? Please comment below!

Live: Arcade Fire @ Salvation Army Citadel, Sat. Sept. 25th

I've never been to a concert completely sober before. That is, of course, unless you count my pre-boozy days as a child, but that's just nit-picking. Point is, it generally takes a couple of beers to get me in the rock 'n roll mood. Last Saturday, that just wasn't necessary. Perhaps I've been saved.

The Arcade Fire get way too much attention from this blog but I can't help it--they give off that cult vibe like the Causey Way, only AF fans don't try to spike the Kool-Aid; musically, they are both challenging and accessible, meaning they can speak to the cool kids and to the geeks simultaneously; above all, their songwriting is pure orchestrated sonic alchemy, mixing that indie thing with elements of soul, 60's rock, 80's post-rock, and even occasionally a countrified flavour (witness the beginning of "Crown of Love" from their Funeral LP to see what I mean).

When I heard that they were going to play in a church, I was a little bit hesitant and kind of wary. I half expected them to announce that all along, they were really a Christian rock band and that we were all being baptised in the name of our Saviour. Bizarre thoughts like this would make any self-respecting agnostic shudder. Luckily, they just wanted a room with great acoustics. The show was pure and cultivated and we didn't mind that the lights were on. In fact, I've never seen 600 Montreal rock fans go so long without a cigarette.


(Salvation Army Logo)

On the stage, there was an engraving that read "Redeemed". Their keyboard was a "Prophet 6000". As they played their virtuosic double-bill (the opening band couldn't make it!), I couldn't help but notice the Salvation Army flag in the corner that read "Blood and Fire". Despite the odd surroundings, they kept the crowd on its feet for the whole show. I couldn't help but sing along to several of the songs, to the disappointment of many concert-goers around me.

Highlights were all over the place like Couche-Tards, but I'd have to say that "Wake Up" was the song of the night. "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)" was also very well done, although my friend Gen preferred "Rebellion (Lies)". "No Cars Go" never fails to disappoint either.

Régine showed off her honed singing skills (she sounds more confident than the last time I saw her on stage) and the crowd was musically pacified. "In the Backseat" turned out to be one of their better songs, even though it didn't stand out when I listened to "Funeral". [Ed. Note: As soon as I track down the DJ from Reggie's Pub, who accidentally nabbed my Promo Copy, I will post a review of "Funeral" on JB.] Plaintive and moody, it built up slowly but surely, until cascading into a powerful crescendo near the end of the song.


(Photo courtesy of the Montreal Mirror)

Admittedly, the AF are not for everyone. If you listen to Simple Plan or anything formulaic, you may have trouble with AF songs. If you are a hip-hop backpacker, this may not turn your crank (unless you dig soul music or luminaries like K-OS). Likewise, if you are like my cousin and can't appreciate a band if they're local, keep the line moving and thanks for stopping by. No offense if you're from the preceeding categories. You're people too.

Here is a nice set of Arcade Fire photos from the live show. [Ed. Note: Kudos to Dirty Water for the snazzy shots!] If you're sick and tired of listening to canned music being pissed out of 4000 watt speakers at your local techno orifice, I would suggest that you attend an Arcade Fire show. Salvation can be bought after all; it only cost me eight bucks on Saturday.

The Arcade Fire are on tour! New Yorkers and Bostonians are being spoiled by two fine bands for the price of one--the Hidden Cameras are orgasmically talented. Anyone who sings a line like "The drugs get dealt / and the cocks get felt / on the church grounds" deserves your undivided attention.
===

Sun 9/26
Black Sheep Inn,
Wakefield, Quebec
(25 minutes north of Ottawa)

Wed 9/29
Kingston ON,
TBA

Thurs. 9/30
The Trasheteria (Club Vinyl)
Guelph, ON
w/The Barmitvah Bros.

Fri. 10/01
Lee's Palace
Toronto, ON
w/Bell Orchestre

Sat. 10/02
The Underground,
Hamilton ON
w/Bell Orchestre & Heston Rifle

Wed. 10/13
CMJ Merge Records Showcase
(Mercury Lounge)
New York, NY

11/5
Halifax Pop Explosion
Halifax, NS
The Marquee
w/The Organ

11/11
Bowery Ballroom
New York, NY
w/ The Hidden Cameras

11/12
T.T. the Bears
Boston, MA
w/The Hidden Cameras

11/13
Cornell University-
Noyes Community Center
Ithaca, NY

11/14
First Unitarian Church
Philadelphia, PA
TBA

11/15
Garfield Artworks
Pittsburgh, PA

11/26
Empty Bottle
Chicago, IL

[Ed. Note: In other AF-related news (Gulp. I almost feel like I'm their unpaid P.R. person, for fuck's sake!), Merge Records is promoting the "Funeral" LP with a flashy animation on their main site. You can listen to the full version of "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)" for a limited time only. That is all.]

Ed Harcourt Plays a Mean Hammond!

He looks like Canuck Wunderkind Hawksley Workman--he even wears one of those strange furry hats like H.W.--but he's more a soul brother to Connor Oberst. I'm talking about Ed Harcourt, and don't let his plain-Jane name fool you. He's hiding musical gems beneath solid rock.

I downloaded his song "Something to Live For" and it jarred me from my woozy slumber. Still enjoying the after-effects of the Arcade Fire concert on Saturday (at the Salvation Army Citadel! Fucking A+), his plaintive, slightly moody drawl with a tinge of British accent (?) made me smile.

Don't take my word for it. I'm just some hack with a keyboard and two barely functional eardrums. Check out his website for streaming audio and some of the good press he's gotten. [Ed. Note: Your grammar skills are turning into soup. Can you remind me why I keep you around, JB?]

Because you need me. Get lost, Ed. boy.

Ed Harcourt is playing in the UK right now:

October
Sun 31 - Portsmouth - Wedgewood Rooms - 02392 863 911

November
Mon 1 - Brighton - Concord 2 - 01273 772 770
Tue 2 - Oxford - Zodiac - 01865 420 042
Wed 3 - Norwich - Waterfront - 01603 508 050
Fri 5 - Bristol - Fleece - 0117 929 9008 / 0871 22 00 260
Sat 6 - Brimingham - Academy 2 - 0870 771 2000 / 0871 22 00 260
Sun 7 - Leeds - Cockpit - 0113 245 5570
Tue 9 - Glasgow - Cottier Theatre - 0870 169 0100
Wed 10 - Nottingham - Rescue Rooms - 0115 958 8484
Thurs 11 - Liverpool - University, Stanley Theatre - 0151 256 5555
Fri 12 - Manchester - Royal Northern College Of Music - 0161 907 5555 / 0871 22 00 260
Sun 14 - London - Madame Jo Jo's - 0207 403 3331 / 0871 22 00 260
Mon 15 - London - Madame Jo Jo's - 0207 403 3331 / 0871 22 00 260

Bush's Guided Tour of the Oval Office

Bush may not have a plan for pulling out of Iraq, but he does have time to give guided tours of the Oval Office.

"The job of a president is to set big goals for the country," Bush says. "Big objectives. And in order to achieve those objectives, the country must be united."

Like...bombing other countries? Increasing medicare premiums? Letting jobs slip away to foreign shores while plants close down all around America?



Admiring his presidential rug, proudly crafted by his wife Laura, he notes that the eagle on the seal faces the olive branch in its left-hand talon, not the right-hand claw full of arrows. (Funny. Left=olive branch, Right=arrows, ie. Anti-war movement versus Neo-Con Attack Squad.)

"Of course, it's always important to make sure you got enough arrows in the talons to keep the peace," he admits.

Pointing to the massive desk in front of the window, he says "...this door was put on the desk by Franklin Roosevelt to cover his infirmities."

One painting on his wall shows a horseman riding up a steep cliff. Weird symbol, but it is analagous to the way Bush leads his nation. They're a pack animal and he's riding them right into a bottomless pit. "A president must serve himself, not his self interests," Bush says, unaware of the irony inherent in his statement.

"The other paintings are all from Texas. It's where I'm from, and where I'm going."

Patting a bust of Churchill affectionately, he says "I like Churchill because he was a great war leader, he was resolute, and he had a fabulous sense of humour."

"My family is a priority in my life," Bush says. That's for sure...my guess is that your priority is definately not your nation. You're leading them up a steep cliff and the shale rock is chipping away as you gallop. When will America realize what a swindle you're roping them into? The whole Iraq quagmire was probably just a front to cover the billions of dollars you stole from the treasury to pay for your millionaire-friendly tax cuts and elimination of the dividend tax.

Kerry may not be perfect but at least he'll choose a cabinet that isn't war hungry. Also, he's being watched by the progressive side of his party so he won't step on any toes, aside from the Pharmaceutical/HMO cronies and possibly the military/industrial complex that Eisenhower warned us about. If you have any love for your land at all, vote Kerry in 2004.

This message was brought to you by Ralph Nader. [Ed. Note: We're fibbing about the Nader thing. Ralph is busy nipping at Kerry's heels in all the swing states. Admittedly, John Kerry isn't exactly helping himself by being so stiff and impersonal on camera. Bush seems like a good ol' boy, which will play well in the populous southern bible belt. I'm scared shitless.]

Jeremy Brendan- "Foie Gras" MP3

It will be a challenge to write meaningful lyrics for a song entitled "Foie Gras" but I'm sure both Ween and Guided By Voices could succeed. Ever listen to "Vallejo"? Pure brilliance. Likewise about GBV.

Jeremy Brendan- "On a Cellphone" MP3

The hiss near the end borders on annoying, but that's what happens when Rogers Wireless drops packets of audio traffic.

A Text Every American Should Read (at least once!)

Liberal bad-boy Michael Moore may be a master propagandist, as his critics claim so fervently, but he certainly does know how to track down articles that mean something. He posted a piece on his website, written by Garrison Keillor, which sums up the situation in America perfectly.

In lieu of repeating his points and ruining the subtlety of his argument, I will simply post the first paragraph and ask you to follow the link below for the rest of the brilliant text. Please forward it to every American you know and feel free to leave your thoughts here (or anywhere else available, ie. on bathroom walls, chalkboards in your school, your own blog, etc.)

As much as we "foreigners" criticize and poke fun at America, we still want them to be happy and don't want to see them become a neo-fascist entity or a 4th-Reichian Plutocracy. Above all, let peace reign & may the Good Guys win. (Kerry may not be FDR but he's anybody but Bush!)

Without further ado,

"Something has gone seriously haywire with the Republican Party. Once, it was the party of pragmatic Main Street businessmen in steel-rimmed spectacles who decried profligacy and waste, were devoted to their communities and supported the sort of prosperity that raises all ships. They were good-hearted people who vanquished the gnarlier elements of their party, the paranoid Roosevelt-haters, the flat Earthers and Prohibitionists, the antipapist antiforeigner element. The genial Eisenhower was their man, a genuine American hero of D-Day, who made it OK for reasonable people to vote Republican." More...

Ancient Wisdom from a Departed Soul

"One thing that really fucked me up at Creem was that I got caught up in the whole idea that Lester Bangs was this thing, this idea. I call it like Hunter Thompsonism. It's when you pay more attention to your image than you do to your work. And that destroys your writing. Hunter Thompson's never gonna do anything good again as long as he lives. I don't think anybody really cares about his drug habits."

Lester Bangs being interviewed by Jim DeRogatis in 1982. Two weeks later, he was found dead in his home.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
I think that I'm going to print out those words and staple-gun them to the walls of my apartment (and my cubicle, if I'm ever forced to squat in one of those unholy spaces hunched over a sticky keyboard).

Just like an old friend Dennis once told me, it's not about your persona; it's about the art you bring forth. Who gives a fuck whether you're drunk off your ass on Wild Turkey? The people want something great, something excellent. What they don't want is some half-witted malarky cobbled together by an addict desparate for his next fix.

I'm not trying to badger you all. Talk about vanity press; this post is for me, to resuscitate that will to disturb that is so important for a journalist. Don't get me started on fraudulent shitheads like most of the staff of the National Post--while they are probably very nice people, their words reveal that they are soulless and willing to kneel for the master--I guess what I really want to say is that I'm in this for the long haul and I won't be known as an easy lay.

Here is my pledge to you all. I won't interview a band or musician whom I don't consider fucking excellent. I also won't become a "corporate shill" (as per Lester's rant in the interview) and my business is not to encourage sales but to discourage shitty music from being released into the general population. I'm a doctor and all futile, commerical tunes are under quarantine from now on.

Also, I have to call on you guys for a little help over here. I need writers, photographers, actors, thieves, or anybody who has a will to create something. Send me your material and I'll see if I can include it on Jeremy Brendan. (My email is @ the top right hand side of the page unless your browser is crippled)

Don't forget about the little "Comment" button below each post. Leave me some feedback, you scurvy-ridden mongrels! I don't mean that...I love you all. I'm just trying to light a fire under your ass so that you'll bother to actually give me some criticism. Without it, I am a withering little fern behind thick, stuffy drapes. My chlorophyll is nearly gone already and you are all sunrays. Feed me. I'll owe you one.

Pitchfork Give the Arcade Fire a Thumbs Up

MTL rock darlings the Arcade Fire have been given a nod from the press gallery; Pitchfork Magazine, an influential online publication that some consider the benchmark of contemporary musical criticism, has given them a stunning 9.7 out of 10 for their LP "Funeral".


If fate has smiled upon you, you'll make it to the Arcade Fire show @ the Salvation Army Citadel on September 25th in Montreal (2085 Drummond). Tickets will be on sale @ Cheap Thrills (Metcalfe Street, above St-Catherine). I bought two tickets today and the kindly owner told me that he still has a few remaining. The AF kick so much ass that it would be offensive for you to miss this show. I can't emphasize this enough.

[Update! Doors open @ 8 PM and the music begins @ 9. Word on the street is that the AF have been practicing with the echo effect (the show is in a sort of church, apparently) so expect a wondrous cacaphony of sonic beauty. Also, there is no smoking cigarettes and no drinking allowed in the music space so if you must be fucked up to enjoy a show, take care of that before you attend.]

If you haven't been entranced by their sound before, visit this commercial Babylon of a site and listen to "Wake Up" or even "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)" [Ed Note: Scroll down the page to find the songs...they're in Windows Media format & also Realplayer]. You'll be catapulted into a bombastic orchestral Elysian field.

Also, Pitchfork has reported that the AF have announced a whole slew of tour dates across Canada and the U.S. Spread the joy!

09-25 Montreal, Quebec - The Salvation Army Citadel
09-26 Wakefield, Quebec - Black Sheep Inn
09-29 Kingston, Ontario - Clark Hall Pub
09-30 Guelph, Ontario - Trasheteria
10-01 Toronto, Ontario - Lee's Place (w/ Bell Orchestre)
10-02 Hamilton, Ontario - Underground
10-13 New York, NY - Mercury Lounge (CMJ Showcase)
11-05 Halifax, Nova Scotia - The Marquee (w/ The Organ)
11-11 New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom (w/ The Hidden Cameras)
11-12 Boston, MA - TT the Bear's (w/ The Hidden Cameras)
11-13 Ithaca, NY - Noyes Community Center
11-14 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
11-15 Pittsburgh, PA - Garfield Artworks
11-26 Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle

Live: Dan Livingstone, The Hooks & The Casingles @ Pub Balafré

It was the first Saturday in September and I was looking for a fix. I don't mean I was searching for anything contraband--that's what those 24 hour delivery cards are for--no, I wanted to hear some pure, uncut live music. I found just that at Pub Balafré, a dimly-lit little hole in the wall nearly devoid of women, except for a couple of cute ones at the tables. This would make any hetero single dude nervous, maybe because of that hunter-gatherer instinct, so I wasted no time in buying a 650 ml Boreale Blonde. (This is Quebecois for micro-brewed beer)

The first act was a solo blues artist named Dan Livingstone. He was all about Mississippi Delta slide guitar but adamantly refused my Muddy Waters request. Despite this obvious transgression against blues music as a whole, he still fed us some decent blues riffs. His peak must have been during an obscure Bob Dylan cover--"Let me Lay it on You", I think--and the crowd was mostly into his satisfying-yet-mediocre set. I'm sure he would have sounded a lot better with a full band to take some of the weight off.

A rumour was floating around the room that Luca, the Hooks bass player, was passed out on the street in front of the Pub. I gulped and felt a tad bit guilty for having shared my beer with him only minutes before. With starry eyes open wide as saucepans, he had admitted that he took "every drug possible" and that I could quote him on that. This appealed to me greatly. "Rock and roll," I thought.

I went outside for a cigarette and saw that Sebastian, lead singer and guitarist of the Hooks, had just resuscitated Luca and they were sitting in front of the bar. Luca vowed that this was his last night in Montreal. "I'm going to California. I want to sleep on beaches and rooftops like Jim Morrison," he said. "If I die, I die...but if I can make it out there, that's even better...it's a cherry on the sundae." I suspect that he is still here in Montreal somewhere, although I can't be sure.

Minutes later, the Hooks were up on stage. From the minute they plugged in their instruments, I sensed that something was awry. Perhaps it was the way Luca had his bass slung so low; maybe it was that fierce look in Wolf's eyes (their part-time drummer); in any case, they sounded like a drugged-up Who with Kurt Cobain handling the vocals. [Ed. Note: This is a compliment!] The Hooks roll very close to the highway and they are not in the least bit ashamed about their rough edges. I guess this is what it's like to see the Libertines.

Eventually, Sebastian's guitar fell off and he smashed it angrily on the stage, halting the show for a few minutes. Soon enough, they were rip-roaring through a feedback laden opus who's name escapes me. They managed to squeeze a few more songs out of the night before Seb's guitar died for the last time. After leaving the stage, Luca ran back up and pulled his bass out of the case and raised it in the air. Although he used Ian's bass during the set, he had promised to smash his own bass before leaving.

True to his word, he began to pound the wounded bass into the floor. After a few strikes, it was in pieces and the soundman was running towards him in protest. Sebastian ran up and shouted "We're the Hooks" before they left the bar to cool down. I managed to pick up a chunk of bass the size of a Bic lighter; it remains in my pocket to this day.

The Hooks have the potential to be a great band if they can avoid setting themselves on fire at their gigs. They have the soul of Loki [Ed. Note: The Norse God of Mischief!] to guide them but he is a cruel master.

Next up were the Casingles, another rock band based out of Montreal. Justin is their guitarist & lead singer, Ian is on bass, and Tim plays some wicked drums. They started off their set by apologizing to Pub Balafré, God, Canada, and the Rickenbacker Bass Company for Luca's antics. Their sound is more polished than the Hooks; they might even be more huggable. They could be compared with the White Stripes but this wouldn't do them justice. Live, they exude a lot of confidence and reminded me somehow of Iggy Pop & the Stooges. This is a good thing.



Justin has a magnetic stage presence but he wasn't able to seduce the saucy blonde barmaid that had caught his eye, even though he purred compliments at her into the microphone between nearly every song. Ian held down the rhythm section with tight, effective bass lines. Tim proved to be a good drummer in his own right, peppering each song with frenetic fills and generous helpings of cymbals.

"Drive" could be a future hit single. It careened wildly towards a feedback-laden bridge and a dissonant, Sonic-Youthy solo before fading into the second-hand bar smoke. Another highlight was "Take a Chance", a dirty, vampy punkish song with allusions to Modest Mouse. I also enjoyed "Behind your Eyes" because it made me feel that I was watching a Canuck version of the Buzzcocks. Justin dedicated the song to his former manager, "a real bitch". This wasn't exactly PC of him but the largely-male audience laughed and guzzled their beers, this journalist included. [Ed. Note: What did Peter tell you in Broadcast 201? Keep yourself out of this, dammit.]

The definate musical OD came when we least expected it. By now, numbers were dwindling slightly and I figured that the show would just wind down. How wrong I was! Justin dedicated "Russian Opera" (which seemed to be a garage cover of the Beatle's "Eleanor Rigby") to a friend whom he had lost only days before. The emotion was visible on his face as he sang "I look at all the lonely people!" and the whole room resonated like a quartz crystal. "Russian Opera" had teeth and most of us were bitten.

"Three for One" was their second last one and I'm sure it could have been a Doors song in some other distant dimension. Slightly caustic yet completely palatable, it convinced me to finish my beer in time to buy another one before last call. They ended the night with a bluesy ode with slide guitar; Justin used a red Zippo lighter for effect.

Keep your eyes peeled for the Casingles. They are ready for prime time. The Hooks need some time in detox but they're good too, only a little bit scary. Dan Livingstone left me indifferent but remotely satisfied.

You don't have to go to Sweden to hear what true rock and roll sounds like; it's living here in Montreal and swigging forties in alleyways, rolling joints on the sidewalk and scrubbing windows with dirty water. I got my fix of gutsy garage rock that night, and it tasted pure. Do yourself a favour and go and find some of your own really soon.

All Points Bulletin!

Have you seen this man? If so, you're probably a Montrealer. Avoid at all costs. Unarmed but dangerous. A threat to civil society. If apprehended, the reward is a three-and-a-half of indo Quebec Gold. Please call 514-242-9840 if you have any information leading to his capture. That is all.

Arcade Fire Get National Press Coverage; Buzz Audible From A Great Distance

Ever since I first laid eyes on the Arcade Fire, I knew that they were going to blow up (in the hip-hop slang sense, not in the explosive one). Their live shows are a frequent source of new converts to their brand of bombast-rock and they are consumate professionals. Still, I never imagined that they would move so far, so fast.

If media hype is an indicator of a bands commercial potential, then the AF (and their label Merge) will be laughing all the way to the bizank. Of course, Win et al. are not in this for the money. They want to save rock and roll by evacuating it from the muddy confines of garage rock and lifting it to a higher level of thinking. They are the anti-Hives, the White-Stripes-murderers. This is a good thing.

Exclaim is a nationally-published music magazine (from Canada, the only free country in North America besides Mexico!) and has a tradition of defining the "cool" up here. They review scores of indie releases from around the world and they have a powerful sway over the tastemakers of the Canuck music industry; the college radio DJ's, the local bar promoters, and other influential folks read Exclaim (along with countless thousands of music fans and rockers). As you can see, Exclaim is a whale to this minnow of a blog, a giant treading loudly beside the JB ant.

And they love the Arcade Fire. In the September issue of Exclaim, a high-res live shot of Win Butler crooning into a microphone appears on the cover. You can read the well-researched, intricately-conceived album review/interview here.

Not to sound glib or pretentious, but JB has earned its first actual press coverage. Exclaim quotes from the interview we conducted in February. Although I'm sure that Michael Barclay meant well, I believe that he should have at least given us a shout-out in his text, instead of writing:

In one fanzine article, he was asked to summarise his outlook on life in 11 words or less, to which he responded simply: “Death is real.”

[Ed. Note: FYI Michael, although I am a fan of the AF, this is definately not a fanzine. I abhor the idea completely. I prefer DIY blog/zine, or even just music blog, but fanzine? Come on! If this is just a fanzine, why bother to lift my quote and then not attribute it to me? That is just not very nice at all.]


On a related note, a fellow blogger called *Sixeyes has posted a link to a live interview/performance by the Arcade Fire. It is located here so please point those mice and click away.

I've contacted Merge to request a promo LP of the AF album "Funeral" but I am still waiting for an answer; expect a follow-up in the coming days/week.

[Ed. Note: The Arcade Fire will be touring North America in the months ahead, including a couple of sets with the stupendous Hidden Cameras. Get your tickets while you still can!]

09/29 Kingston, ON, @ Clark Hall Pub
09/30 Guelph, ON, @ Trasheteria
10/02 Hamilton, ON, @ Underground
10/13 New York City, NY @ Mercury Lounge (Merge and CMJ Showcase)
11/11 New York, NY @ Bowery Ballroom w/ The Hidden Cameras
11/12 Boston, MA @ TT the Bear's w/ The Hidden Cameras
11/14 Philadelphia, PA @ First Unitarian Church
11/15 Pittsburgh, PA @ Garfield Artworks

Album Review: Wolf Parade E.P. (Self-titled)

Rating: 4.216 out of 5.

Wolf Parade: (Pronounced 'wulf p&-'rAd)
n.
1. Procession of wolves (canus lupus) which moves from one point to another. Extremely rare, but occasionally observable in remote regions of Eastern Canada.

2. Montreal band with talent to burn and a propensity for writing great rock songs. Signed to Sub Pop, toured with Modest Mouse, and beginning to catch eyes internationally. Fucking incredible.

~ ~ ~ { } {} { } ~ ~ ~
Please pardon the profanity--admittedly, I can swear like the saltiest of sailors at times--but I can't find any other words sufficient to rave about Wolf Parade's latest EP. Although they were kind enough to give us six good songs this time around, the true music fan's appetite is unrivaled in the animal kingdom. WP's full length LP will be released sometime this winter and the anticipation is killing me like ozone at low altitudes.

The first song "Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" may be burdened with a ponderous title but the tune is spectacular. Dan brings some of his patented crunchy guitar riffs and Spencer keeps the ball spinning with a nifty keyboard line; if a gun was placed to my forehead, I might compare the style to a souped-up and less gloomy Interpol. Still, comparisons are useless because Wolf Parade don't fit into the square pegs of musical categorization; their shape is as unique as a person's retina.

"We Built Another World" has one of those dancey Rapture/Franz Ferdinand kind of drum beats but don't let that scare you off. With a lilting bridge that segways into a heartfelt chorus, it is a decent counterpoint to the post-rock shuffle of the first track.

"Grounds for Divorce" could have been a track from Hot Hot Heat's "Make up the Breakdown" LP, only with a slightly slower pace. [Ed. Note: This will certainly piss Spencer off but I'm just going with my gut feeling! I like HHH so please don't take this the wrong way.] Spencer sounds like he is longing for familial bliss but feels unable to do more than watch strangers and dab his tears; "Look at the lovers / in the telephone stands / and the way they move / and the way they move their hands". [Ed. Note: Originally, I thought that Dan was singing on this one. Sorry for the confusion.]

"It's a Curse" has one of those spooky, ethereal sounds that Isaac Brock might have written if he were less of a country gentleman. Don't get me wrong--Modest Mouse is a splendid band--but "...Curse" has more of an edge than most MM songs. When the final chorus marches in, I'm sure that the singer from Clinic is probably shivering in his scrubs somewhere, fearful that these Canadians can outrock his critically-appreciated UK outfit.

"The National People's Scare" has a calm, laid-back, dark-black groove. I remember hearing this song at the Go Rin Do Loft party and it rings out like a Replacements composition with graceful, raw energy.

"Killing Armies" is good although the heavy intrusion of keyboard makes it my least favourite of the six songs on the EP. Still, it will probably grow on me because the Wolf Parade's tunes are as contagious as chicken-pox. I'll be scratching for the next month or so until October 3rd, when Wolf Parade will open for "Bostonian avant-rockers" Mission of Burma at Cabaret in Montreal, PQ.

Don't miss these Victorian ex-pats unless you have an aversion to solid rock. I'll be close to the front row, brandishing a full beer bottle and bopping my head to the WP sound; I'll try to remain as conscious and sober as possible, of course. [Ed. Note: Don't fib. You're a cheap drunk.]

JB Interview with Blank from the Blanks; Impromptu Guerilla Media Scrum!

I just spent the past half hour trying to communicate with a musician. His identity shall remain nameless--hint? He & his bandmates wear pink, and it's not the Hidden Cameras!--but extricating information from him was like trying to squeeze water from a piece of gravel.

It is understandable that a busy person might not necessarily want to answer questions from every two-bit hack that tracks down their MSN email address, but come on! I'm at least a 3-bit hack, or even a media whore; still, I'm not offended. It just hardens my resolve and reminds me that I need to get the Holy of Holies, a press pass.

If Narduwar the Human Serviette can do it, anyone can!

Here is a summary of the information gleaned (gleamed?) from the quasi-interview.

1) Said musician enjoyed performing in England, although the clubs were small.
2) He remembers playing with Bishop Allen, a band I intend to interview in the near future, along with Sleater-Kinney down in the USA.
3) He may attend the Wolf Parade/Le Nombre show (slated for October in Montreal), although he doesn't usually plan that far ahead.
4) He knows Arlin (the drummer) of Wolf Parade personally but hasn't met Dan yet.
5) He didn't want to answer any questions about the follow-up to his first LP. I apologized profusely, sounding like some sort of pitiful syncophant. (I have to learn to be tough with these characters!)
6) After I admitted that I loved Modest Mouse's "Good News for People who Love Bad News", he said that they write "shitty songs".
7) Eventually, he mentioned that he's been listening to 80's and early-90's rap music, and Bach.
8) I wished him well for his upcoming show in Anaheim with Ben Kweller and bid him adieu.

If I had any journalistic ethics before, they just floated away like an empty garbage bag on the east wind. [Ed. Note: I don't think he realized he was being interviewed. If this offends him in any way, he can contact me and I'll remove this from JB.]

Despite all my complaining and kvetching about his attitude, I must point out that his band's first LP was wonderful. The critics weren't just having a circle jerk; his band is "la Creme de la Creme" of Canuck rock, right up there with acts like the New Pornographers, the Arcade Fire, and Wolf Parade. That's why I'm going to such great lengths to try to score a proper interview. It is going to happen; the only question is when.
~~~
On another note, I was at the Festiblues Festival in Parc Ahuntsic yesterday. The 3 finalists in the Blues competition squared off--the first prize was a trip to France to perform in a European festival, plus recording time--and Bottleneck ended up winning the day. Personally, I felt that Dale Boyle (of the Barburners) sounded much better up there but I think that Bottleneck must have slipped the judges a few bottles of Jack Daniels before the show. That, or the judges were hitting the crack pipe really hard.

On the plus side, Dale picked up second place, meaning he is half a grand richer! I wonder if he would lend me $20? We shall see, my friends. I'll keep you posted.

Poem: "1.618"

[Ed. Note: The blame for this poem can be directly aimed at the novel "The Da Vinci Code". If you read about the Phi ratio it will make a little more sense.]
~~~
(1)Legs
(6)gangly and malnourished;
(1)thin
(8)poplar trunks covered with dark moss.
(1)Arms
(6)just long enough to reach
(1)you;
(8)pink pipe cleaners that hang so low.
(1)Eyes
(6)evergreen and pollen;
(1)wet
(8)from the early morning dewdrops.
(1)Count
(6)the differences 'tween
(1)our
(8)lost souls and our appendages
(1)Use
(6)numbers to make me whole
(1)again...
(8)Our love is indivisible.
~~~
-Jeremy Brendan, 2004.
Any critics/poets out there? Flame away, my friends (or shower me with virtuosic praise, whatever floats your boat).

Dale Boyle and the Barburners Interview

I have come a long way in the past few days. I've crossed rivers and scaled mountains, camped in farmer's fields and bathed in streams, hitchhiked hundreds of kilometers past villages named St-this or Ste-that, and my feet are the unwilling victims of this great journey; I have blisters on my soles the size of guitar picks.

I wouldn't even consider attempting such a voyage if I wasn't hungering for the blues, like a wolf might howl at the moon because he can't eat it. I want to hear the whiskey-accented growls and the dark, twisted solos squealing out of a Fender strat while a harmonica wheezes and coughs over a fat bass line. I plan to listen to blues music and drink beer on the sandy beach until my wallet is empty or Sunday afternoon, whichever comes first. Yes, it is time for Maximum Blues, the best damned music festival east of Montreal.

For the past twelve summers, Gaspesians and tourists alike have waited for the ghost of Robert Johnson to inhabit the sky over Carleton, a cozy village on the south shore of the Gaspe Coast, at the Maximum Blues Music Festival. Gaspesie is the fist-shaped peninsula that hovers above New Brunswick menacingly, separated by the ironically-frigid waters of the Baie de Chaleur [Ed. Note: From the French, translates into "Warm Bay"] and it also happens to be a wonderful place to drink a two-four.

The blues has been around since before the electric guitar but it is constantly reinvented by the kids who grow up listening to it. By the time they're old enough to understand the blues, the seed has already been planted in their mind for years. As long as there is still heartbreak, as long as women have long legs and men have lusty thoughts, as long as bottles can be emptied and tea can be burned, the blues will remain as ornery and vital as ever.

Dale Boyle and the Barburners are no kids but they do represent the new wave of modern blues acts. Born and raised on the tip of the Gaspe coast in a little town called Barachois, they have built a solid following by burning down bars all along the peninsula (not as arsonists but as true blues musicians). Their style is bold and slightly dissonant, like if you caught Muddy Waters in bed with his woman and he started to pound out a blues riff as revenge. They do for the blues what Steve Earle did for country back in the 80's, giving it a high-octane overhaul and making it new again.

Left to Right: Dale and Rick with John Primer, Muddy Waters' guitarist, in Carleton, Quebec.

Since their song "Travellin' Bone" appeared on the Maximum Blues compilation in 2000, their sound has expanded and their legend has grown a head taller. They've played in blues bars around Montreal and Toronto, including a well-received appearance at Healey's in 2002 (the club owned by Jeff Healey, one of the bright lights on the Canadian Blues scene) at the North by Northeast Festival. Appearances like this one caught the eye of producer Dan Levitin (Chris Isaak, Blue Öyster Cult, K.D. Lang), who worked with the Barburners on their latest LP "A Dog Day for the Purists". As of press time, the release date hadn't been announced yet but I'll keep you posted.

Last month, I spoke with Dale Boyle (guitar and vox) and Richard Element (bass and back-up vox) via email. [Ed. Note: Tragically, I was working as a security guard 60 hours a week in July, so my publishing schedule was limping along like a three legged fox. My apologies for the delay.].

~ ~ ~

Jeremy Brendan: How has living in the Gaspesie affected you, musically?

Dale: Well, hints of country always seem to emerge in my playing and music, and that just comes naturally, and that is the Gaspe influence coming through. It also makes an impact on the subject matter of certain songs, like "Feels Like Home" or "Justice Precluded Coffin" (the story of Wilbert Coffin)... these are grounded in the small town Gaspe experience.

Richard: There aren't a whole lot of things to do for teens in such small towns, and music just made the world a bigger place in many ways... well, for me anyway. We're big country music fans, but I have to qualify that, as we listen to the kinda country that would never get played on CMT or the like. You have to qualify which type of country music today, 'cause there's a whole lot of horrible country music being made these days. I think when you grow up that close to the land, it shapes a part of you and it surfaces at different times.

JB: What advice would you have for other Gaspesian bands that are trying to make it right now, putting in those hours at the Brise-Bise like you once did?

Dale: Don't bother! Don't do it! Seriously, don't bother! Take up painting! Write poetry! But, if you're going give music a shot, be ready to do a ton of work that is only distantly related to writing and playing music...performing is the reward, and if you get anywhere, it will be well earned because there is an incredible amount of unpleasant work to do to establish oneself.

Richard: I agree! One should never expect anything more than small steps... small steps toward a larger goal. And remember to take something from every experience.

JB: Dale, on the song "Alpine Valley Blues", you seem to be channeling Jimi Hendrix's spirit through the mouth of an Appalaichan Micmac soothsayer.

Dale: OK. If you say so...

JB: Are you a fan of Jimi?

Dale: Sure... More so when I was younger. I haven't listened to Jimi in a while actually... though, St.Mary's Last Waltz intentionally has a Hendrix vibe.

JB: Which other artists have influenced you creatively? (In 2002, you mentioned Elvis Presley, Steve Earle and Stevie Ray Vaughan...any new ones?)

Dale: Oh, you've done some homework! Stevie Ray Vaughan's aggressiveness and intensity as a guitarist influenced and inspired me, but, for the most part, with the exception of a couple of songs like "Alpine Valley Blues" and "When I Leave", his influence is not so apparent stylistically. Often, the artists that have inspired me, have not impacted on me in an overt way. I draw inspiration from artists as divergent as The Ramones to Tom T. Hall, yet it may not be easy to detect. For example, Tom T.Hall is a country artist who is known for being a "storyteller", and storytelling is something that I've taken from him and have been adding a bit into our live performances. My influences are from all over the place... Steve Earle is worth mentioning again. Scotty Moore. Albert Lee. Bob Dylan. Hound Dog Taylor. The Ventures... I could list a lot of people... My most recent discovery is Mike Henderson. He's an excellent vocalist and guitarist.

JB: Have you been writing any songs recently?

Dale: Yes, though mostly material for my solo acoustic album.

Richard: I write things often, but more words than music. I like to play with words and metaphor. I sorta do it like some people sketch. It's always a way to slip away... it's a healthy reflector of where and who you are.

JB: At your future shows, are you going to focus on the new album or will you continue to play a few classic blues standards as well?

Dale: Yep. Material from the album will provide the basis of our shows, and we'll toss in a few well-known blues tunes, though some, like "When I Get Drunk" and "Night Train", are not standards.

JB: How did the recording session for "A Dog Day for the Purists" go?

Dale: It was LONG! Not the sessions themselves, but the time between sessions... it's a LONG story!

Richard: It was a learning experience, but a road that we hope not to travel again. It was real bumpy.

JB: Any wild tales to recount?

Dale: Wild tales...yep! To recount...NO! Well, not yet! Lets just say that aspects of this recording may inspire articles or you may find it being the subject of a chapter in some book. I'm NOT kidding!

JB: Also, what was it like working with Dan Levitin?

Dale: Dan is a great guy and we work well together. He's a musician so he understands where I'm coming from, so he strikes a good balance between working to have the musicians happy, yet, knowing when to say it's time to move on. He's helped us a lot.

Richard: Dan is excellent... with great stories too boot. He has made several generous offers of time and ideas and I'm not sure we can repay him. How much we getting for this interview?

JB: The Canadian Federal election is only weeks away. [Ed. Note: This question was time-specific. At the time, we were on the verge of electing a *gasp* Conservative majority! Luckily, cooler heads prevailed!] Are you planning to vote, and have the Barburners officially endorsed a political party?

Dale: Well, I endorse nobody that has a chance to win... anything left of right.

Richard: I endorse the concept of trying something different.

JB: What was it like meeting Jeff Healey when you performed at his Toronto blues club? (North By Northeast Festival, 2002) My mother and her best friend once got invited onto Jeff's tour bus for a glass of Whiskey, back in the 90's. They were very impressed by his politeness and got his autograph on their ticket stubs. (True story!)

Dale: Jeff Healey? He's quite tall. . .What's your mother doing hanging out with musicians in a tour bus? Don't answer that!

JB: Speaking of whiskey, have you ever tried Johnny Walker Red? It is a charming elixir of goodness but it really kills me after a certain point.

Dale: No, I rarely drink anymore.

Richard: Keith Richards suggested quitting dark liquor; I consider him a resonant expert.

JB: Do the Barburners still indulge in the pleasures of alcohol from time to time?

Dale: I believe the Barburners do indulge...

Richard: Actually, I'm the only drinker in the band and not much of one at that. Keeps the bar tabs low.

JB: Do you miss the Gaspé Coast? Will you ever move back to your home by the sea or do you think you'll stay in the city indefinately?

Dale: At times I do. But, I'll probably spent most of my life in some city writing songs about how much it sucks!

Richard: I have been missing the Coast these days actually, but it's the trees that I miss the most. I think we need to find a better balance of people and trees. I think it would make us all better people.

JB: How do you like living in Montreal? What do you think of the local nightlife and do you have any favourite hangouts?

Dale: Montreal is cool. I practically know nothing about the nightlife... I'm getting old! I like to sleep at night. I don't "hang out". If there is a good band playing in some bar, I'll go out. I don't go out too much.

JB: When you played at the Toronto Blues Society Talent Search Finals at Silver Dollar Room, did it go over well?

Dale: It went really well. Only a few Quebec bands have ever been in that talent search so we were happy to be selected to compete.

Richard: We had a good time. It's a classic Toronto blues club and the sound was great.

JB: Was the Talent Search like a Blues version of Canadian Idol, with judges sitting behind a table watching and nodding occasionally?

Dale: A little less formal than Canadian idol! But, there were 4 judges taking notes.

Richard: Yeah! This little trend, well? This big trend, just gave us an opportunity to take our music to T.O.

JB: You had a main stage performance at Maximum Blues in Carleton last year, which was full to the gills and very well received. Will you be
headlining this summer's festival?

Dale: We've got 2 shows on different stages this year. It will be a great chance to push the new album.

Richard: We really appreciate the funded trips to the Gaspe. The Carleton people really take great care of musicians. How do they treat journalists?

JB: If I could get my hands on a press pass, I would be able to tell you! I may just put this Lexmark colour printer to good use...forget I said that. Good luck with your show on Friday night and I'll see you in Carleton!

~ ~ ~

Dale Boyle & the Barburners will be playing on the main stage (Loto-Québec Stage) on Friday, August 6th @ 6:30 PM. They will also perform on Saturday afternoon @ 3:30 PM on the new campground stage. Heads will be bobbing, beer will be consumed, and real blues music will be heard. The thrill ain't gone, B.B. King; just listen to the Barburners and you'll find it again. Visit the Barburners official site for audio clips, images, and the latest Barburners news.

After Maximum Blues, you can catch the Barburners in the act at the following locations:

- August 13 & 14: Bar Le St-Barnabe (Carleton, Quebec)
- August 21: Smoke Meat Pete's (Montreal, Quebec)
- August 27 & 28: Haraiki Bar (Montreal, Quebec)

Cheney's Jokes Make Me Cry

"Somebody said to me the other day that Senator Edwards got picked because he's sexy, good looking, charming. I said, how do you think I got this job?"

Dick Cheney, Lansing, Michigan, July 16th, 2004.

Ahem. Mr Cheney? Jeremy Brendan here... I'm with My Life as a Reptile. Yes, I cover Washington, among other places. No, you're right... I don't get paid for this stuff. Anyhow, I had to ask you a question. How did you get the job of Vice President? I imagine that you had to pass through some rigorous interviews with the Vice Presidential Search Committee? Did you bring your CV in a leather briefcase? I always shave "a priori", what about you?

Really? So you were hired by the Bush team to track down a suitable VP candidate and you chose yourself? Yes, that was a brilliant move... it makes simple nepotism seem quaint and archaic. Machiavelli would have been proud.

Of course I've heard of Michael Moore! He's that portly director with the razor-edge wit who directed "Bowling for Columbine", right? He already wrote about how Bush paid you $3M USD to hire yourself in his book? I suppose that would make this old news.

Before you go, could I get one thing straight? After sifting through a large pool of talented Republicans (including both Colin Powell & Sen. John McCain), you concluded that nobody had the cojones to be VP. Then, after much deliberation and staring in the mirror, you made a quick call to your broker and divested of your Halliburton stock. Quick thinking, Mr. Cheney. Perhaps the press should strip Nixon of his monicker and call you the tricky one.

Now, you're the second-string quarterback of America, the next in line if Bush chokes on another pretzel, the Right-Hand Man. What do you do, exactly? I see that you make speeches and occasionally hook up your friends with billions of sweetheart contracts (no bid, no quip, $11 billion. Doll dollah bills, y'all!)...Seems like a pretty decent gig.

You've got to go? Dinner with the Al Saud Royal family? I see. Send my regards to Prince Bandar. No, I wasn't at that public beheading in Ridyah. Anyhow, take it easy and watch out for the John-John ticket in November... They're bearing down on you like an INS Agent on a Mexican migrant worker. Sure, I think you and Shrub stand a chance, if the Dems don't resuscitate Kerry in time for voting day.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Is Bush really as dumb as they say he is? He hired you? Hehehehe. You mean you hired you! Heh. You're pretty funny for an old guy. No, I'm not crying. The wind was blowing and I must have got some sand in there.

Wolf Parade Signed by Sub Pop

Montreal rock magicians Wolf Parade have been signed to the ultra-cool Seattle record label Sub Pop. Dedicated readers of JB may remember that we hinted at such an occurrence during the WP interview we published in April, but this Sub Pop press release put an end to the speculation.

Isaac Brock, wunderkind musician and de-facto leader of Modest Mouse, may have had something to do with this. In the Sub Pop press release, they credit Isaac with discovering Dan's phenomenal songwriting ability (while Dan was the composer/guitarist of now-defunct Atlas Strategic). Whatever he told the A & R guys at Sub Pop, it couldn't have hurt WP's chances. He has exemplary taste and good record labels listen when a great artist notices another band.

Above all, Wolf Parade's music is soulful and intricately layered, yet just abrasive enough to keep the punk kids interested. Don't believe the hype: just go and see them play live before they're filling stadiums and driving Bentleys. [Ed. note: Indie rockers buying luxury cars? You're just bitter, Jeremy...Bitter that you're bus-passing around to play open mics for free beer.]

Wolf Parade will be playing with Modest Mouse at the following venues in August:

• 08-02 Royal Oak Theater- Detroit, MI


• 08-03 Scene Pavillion- Cleveland, OH


• 08-04 Kool Haus- Toronto, ON


• 08-06 The Rialto- Montreal, QC


• 08-07 Avalon- Boston, MA


• 08-08 Hammerstein Ballroom- New York, NY

Check out their website for more information or to contact them (or even to schedule a gig!).

Today is a Good Day to Blog

I was skimming through a Blogger Knowledge article on CSS hacks when I came across a link to a peculiar blog; it is called bo logh and it is published entirely in Klingon. I think that this Blogging phenomenon must be gaining momentum if the Trekkies are climbing aboard.

Anybody who's ever heard of Star Trek probably knows that the Klingons were one of the mythical alien races from the series. According to the Klingon Language Institute, Dr. Marc Okrand intended Klingon to be a fully functional language that had its own vocabulary, grammar, and usage.
Klingon Alphabet

If you wanted to insult someone gravely in Klingon, you could say Hab SoSlI' Quch which means "Your mother has a smooth forehead." Never considered the friendliest of fictional alien races, Klingons say nuqneH instead of "hello"; NuqneH translates roughly into "What do you want?"

Spoken Klingon sounds like a cross between a semitic language (like Hebrew or Arabic) and an eastern european language (maybe Russian or Polish). I'm very tempted to learn Klingon but its use would be marginal at best; I'd be better to learn Mandarin Chinese or German rather than an artificial tongue spoken by a couple of thousand sci-fi devotees.

Now, I must tugh (hurry up) and bring this post to a bertlham (an end). I shall chegh (return) when my laundry is done. Mevyap (Enough) of this Klingon!

Montreal through a veil of morning fog.

Bush Gives the Terrorists Ammo, Claims "History will judge me"

Oustanding blogger Shatnerian should be applauded for linking to an incredible G. Dubya interview conducted by Radio & TV Ireland on June 24th. The Irish journalist responsible for such potent questions must be a devotee of Zen Buddhism, or at least some form of yogic meditation. His approach reminds me of a fly fisherman who casts his line and lets the Atlantic salmon bite the hook on his own.

One particularly chilling exchange had to be when Bush was asked about whether God was a part of his plans to thwart Al-Qaeda:

"Do you believe that the hand of God is guiding you in this war on terror?

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I think that God -- that my relationship with God is a very personal relationship. And I turn to the good Lord for strength. And I turn to the good Lord for guidance. I turn to the good Lord for forgiveness.

But the God I know is not one that -- the God I know is one that promotes peace and freedom. But I get great sustenance from my personal relationship. That doesn't make me think I'm a better person than you are, by the way. Because one of the great admonitions in the Good Book is, don't try to take a speck out of your eye if I've got a log in my own."

Does anyone have an idea which part of the Bible that "log in my eye" quote is from? I'm sure that this will play well with the Fundamentalist Muslims out there, a disenfranchised lot who already think that the War on Terror is really a War on Islam. The President's God believes in peace and freedom, unlike theirs? This is too fuct up to believe. (I try very hard to avoid swearing needlessly because I don't want to be censored by archaic filtering software!)

It would have been a lot better to say "We all worship the same God of love and peace" instead of trying to distinguish between the merits of Yahweh and Allah. By rambling incoherently without considering the impact of his words, Bush is putting his troops stationed in Iraq at unnecessary risk. The founding fathers wanted to keep the church and state separate for a reason. Bush should know better than to provide Al-Qaeda with notable quotes for their recruitment pamphlets.

I wonder if this was truly in the job description when George W. found the "Help Wanted" ad in the Washington Post:

"My job is to do my job and make the decisions that I think are important for our country and for the world."

Does this mean that Bush is in charge of deciding what's best for the planet? This is a scary thought but I'm sure he must have meant that the choices America makes will inevitably impact the rest of the world.

George W. Bush may not worry about his reptutation--in the same interview, he said " History will judge what I'm about..."--but he is facing a tough re-election battle versus Sen. John Kerry and I'm sure that the American public won't forget the pain they feel each time one of their sons or daughters gets killed in Najaf or Baghdad by an AK-47 round. Bush would be wise to remember that history gets written by the victors, and it looks like winning the War on Terror may be an impossible dream. Police have been trying to thwart crime for millenia but there are still crooks out there and there will always be.

Terrorism is also known as asymetrical warfare by military strategists, and due to America's immense military might, conventional attacks are ineffective. Anyone who seeks war with America has no choice but to strike covertly, and the efficiency of this mode of battle has already been established.

Instead of just trying to chop down the forest, we should try to prevent new seedlings from sprouting. By making amends for our past crimes against Islam (ie. supporting repressive regimes like the Al-Saud Wahhabbist "Royal" family, a major human rights violator), perhaps future generations won't decide to take up arms against us.

What do you think? Will the War on Terror ever end? Does Bush have the moral high ground? Please comment below.

Liberals Win Minority Gov't: NDP Will Hold Balance of Power

"Across Canada tonight in an extremely tight election, we hope Canadians vote to put Canada first and vote to support values that make Canada the envy of the world."
Scott Brison, winning MP of Kings-Hants riding (Nova Scotia), regarding the Liberal's minority government victory.(WP)

The Liberals have earned themselves another spin on the merry-go-round that is Canadian politics. With a reasonable showing of 135 seats, the Libs won't have the absolute majority to pass legislation effortlessly, but they'll be able to retain power if they can enlist the support of Jack Layton's NDP. They've already ruled out a coalition government but if they want the NDP to vote in step with their proposals, they'll have to give the New Democrats a reason to play along.

Contrary to the worried chatter of the financial markets, this is truly the best of all possible scenarios. Harper and his Conservative warriors have been bested; although they won roughly 99 seats, this won't be enough to remove the Liberals from office. Economists are afraid of minority governments because they associate them with higher spending.

Since the Conservatives will now be the official opposition, they will hold the responsibility of keeping Liberal spending within reasonable limits, but they won't be able to institute their heinous platform of military expansion and tax cuts at the expense of our social programs. Harper may also have a new cross to bear; his own party may question his ability to ever beat the Liberals, a party that was tainted with the stench of corruption arising from their role in the Sponsorship Scandal but who still won in the end.

The other major reason that I'm smiling from ear to ear is that minority governments in Canada have always proven themselves to be most fruitful. In the past, such governments have instituted valuable social programs like employment insurance and universal health care.

Expect the NDP to try to bring in proportional representation, similar to the electoral systems in Germany and New Zealand, which should bode well for smaller parties in the future. Proportional representation was very effective for Germany's Green Party in the past, allowing Joschka Fischer to become Foreign Minister in 1998, and giving Green party supporters worldwide a reason to be optimistic.

Jack Layton has vowed that he will hold Paul Martin to his election promises and that he won't lie down for a Liberal government if their proposals aren't up to snuff. Since his 20 or so seats will be the security blanket that Paul Martin's Liberals will be forced to clutch, there is a good chance that our country will improve and make life slightly better for everyone.

Canada has never had one voice; we are a chorus of varying tones and pitches, with nobody rising above the din to negate everyone else. This is something that we should be proud of. I commend anyone who bothered to vote and I hope that we can all take pride in our form of government, since we managed to hold an election that was over in 5 weeks and didn't require the intervention of our Supreme Court to conclude.

Also, when I look outside at the trickle of early morning traffic on Guy Street here in Montreal, I don't see any civil war developing. Peace and good government; that's all Canada ever wanted.

If the Liberals try to pull a fast one on us, I'll be waiting. Keep your eyes open, Canada.

Harping on Harper: Why you Should Not Vote Conservative Today

Today is V-Day here in Canada and across the country, polling stations will be stuffed to the brim with about 65 percent of eligible voters. In the days of old, votes were bought with free pints or cash prizes. Current election rules limit such freebies so we're destined to be charmed with grandiose election promises, most of which will never make it past the House of Commons.

Changing things in Canada is like trying to accelerate the gradual movement of a glacier; you can push all you want but things will crawl along and there is a good chance that you'll see snails and wheelchair-bound grannies whizzing by. Still, we have a vital parliamentary system that allows for several parties to play a role in governing our nation. This gives more Canadians a voice in governance since they're not faced with a "lesser of two evils" choice like our neighbours in the USA.

I realize that this is the last minute and all, but please bear with me. I'm not going to ask you to vote NDP, even though I did--they're not going to win in my riding of Chateauguay-St.Constant but neither are the tories--but I will make one small request. If you have any love for this country and all we've achieved, please don't vote for Stephen Harper and his Conservatives.

You might be wondering why I'm so concerned. First of all, he has no respect for minority rights or for the disenfranchised in our society. He wants to offer major tax cuts to the wealthy like his distant cousin George W. Bush (hopefully soon to be once removed) and we all saw what this did to the US; it created major deficits that will cause future generations to suffer and inevitably bear the burden in the decades to come.

Stephen Harper also wants to build up our military and to support our American allies on their global preemptive warfare policies. This would mean invading Syria or Iran (which one is next on the Neo-con list? I imagine it would be whichever one has more oil) and also tarnishing our reputation as a nation that admires peace and diplomacy. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a military but I don't think Canada should become another Great Britain, docile and always eager to please the Right-wing hawks of Washington. Let us keep our hands clean and let them take care of their own illegal invasions, thank you very much.

Harper also wants to sign on to the American Missile Defence Shield, and this would be another big mistake. Missile defence of this kind is illegal by NPT (Non-Proliferation Treaty) standards and would be sending the wrong message to the rest of the world, since the US will still have thousands of ICBMs pointed at other countries but would be nearly invulnerable to missile attacks. One could even argue that this could lead to a world war because the mutually assured destruction theory would go out the window. I'm sure most Canadians don't want to be caught in the middle of a global nuclear arms race.

The Conservatives not only disagree with the Kyoto Accord, they want us to pull out of it. This short-sighted view will hurt our ties to the European Union, a major trading block and potential market for Canadian exports. They are solidly behind Kyoto and a British MP has reputedly warned that Canada will look silly to pull out of the accord now, especially when Russia is on the fence and waiting to see who else backs it.

If I haven't convinced you yet, Stephen Harper doesn't believe that gays should be allowed to marry. This is a form of discrimination according to our Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which he says is fundamentally flawed because it might offer protection to pedophiles. This is pure bullshit because our criminal laws already cover sex crimes and nobody is arguing to change the laws themselves since they serve a valuable purpose; keeping our children safe from exploitation. Harper and his Albertan base are just using the sexual predator issue to ban gay marriage, a completely different issue altogether.

Ontario, I don't mean to single you out but you're quite influential and populous, so it is important that we understand each other. I have many relatives living in your beautiful province and a couple of them have expressed interest in voting Conservative. If it's just for the tax breaks, you should remember that you're going to pay more in the long run if the Tories win. Their tax cuts will be erased by increased fees for government services, increased tuition for students, and most Canadians won't even save all that much (it will only affect people who earn enough to pay a large amount of tax). I don't have any exact figures, but by reading the Tory platform, you can see that they will have to eliminate some of the programs that we know and love if they want to avoid running a deficit.

They've already talked about scrapping the Atlantic Development Agency which will stab the Maritimes in the heart by depriving their lackluster economies of badly-needed investment. This will mean more maritimers being forced to rely on social assistance, and that will be paid for by guess who? Ontario, Alberta, and BC, because they are the wealthy provinces who pay more in Federal tax than they receive in transfer payments.

The Liberals may have their weak points and they've definately made some mistakes, but they are still a better choice than the Conservatives. Like Joe Clark so eloquently warbled (paraphrased...), "Better the devil you do know than one you don't. Vote Paul Martin before you think of going with Stephen Harper."

One last point to ponder is that Canada is proving that it is a very left-wing nation. The Green Party, the Liberals, the Bloc Quebecois, and the NDP (all left-leaning parties) command over 65 percent of the vote, meaning if the left was united like the right (the Canadian Alliance swallowed the Progressive Conservatives, remember?), the choice would be clear. Instead, we're splitting our vote 4 ways and the Conservatives are the odds-on favourite to steal this election (with a minority government).

Locate your Electoral District.

If you believe in peace and prosperity, if you don't want us to become a virtual 51st state, if you have any friends or relatives who happen to be gay, if you believe in legalization of marijuana, if you believe that the church and the state should be separate, then voting for the Conservative Party is the wrong choice! (To get a better understanding of your political leanings based on the party platforms, visit Who Do I Vote 4.com to do a nifty little test that will give you an unbiased measure of which party really floats your boat.) Or, just vote liberal or Bloc or NDP and talk to your friends. It isn't too late to save Canada from the Blue Menace of Stephen Harper's Conservative Party; the polls close at 9:30 PM EST.