Today, I finally got up the courage to sift through my Yahoo! inbox & found what every writer (or artist, I suppose) lives and dreams for--no, not a spam email advertising penis enlargement--I got a rejection letter! Here it is, mostly unabridged. Enjoy.
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Subject: Re: Submission -- "Tale of My Teeth"


Uhhh, yeah, hey Phil, I'm sorry. I think we gotta pass on this one.

Honestly,
it didn't strike me as either odd enough or funny enough. I think the
personalities and backstories of the teeth were well drawn, but they
aren't
enough to carry the story.

Thanks for the submission tho. We look forward to more of your work!

OOK,

MonkeyCompline

Submissions Editor

TenThousandMonkeys.com

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You might ask yourself why I'm flagellating myself in such a public manner. (After all, it is torture to see your own work being used and abused by a gentleman who calls himself Monkey #2) On a good note, they have already published me once so this means they're not easy. It makes the first clipping seem more important, somehow. I like that.

Hey, this doesn't mean that I have to roll over and become part of the soil. Hemingway used his rejection letters as wallpaper (I remember hearing he had them in the hundreds) and plenty of other luminaries I've read about had to slog through a Thousand Savage "No's" before hitting their stride.

I think that the best solution would be to keep banging my head upon this gate and maybe to smoke a little M-39 cannabis (indoor, slightly dry, mild aftertaste) before I try and submit anything else of substance (no pun intended, I swear).