Sunday, October 03, 2004

Jeremy Brendan Complains to Teacher, Invites Further Bullying

My vitriol is unmatched! I am a white-hot ball of blogging fury! Exclaim has gone too far and now I'm sick and tired of sitting on my hands (They're getting sweaty under there, anyhow). Witness the hateful riposte I flung at Exclaim magazine tonight from my Operamail account:

Dear Exclaim!,

As a fervent admirer of your publication, I turned the other cheek when your profile on the Arcade Fire (Sept. '04) referenced my interview without proper attribution. I know that everyone hates bellyachers so I bit my lip and kept quiet, despite the way Michael Barclay called my blog a "fanzine". That was a real kick in the jewels.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the October issue of Exclaim and discovered that you wrote about another one of my favourite bands, Wolf Parade, only to post the wrong picture to accompany the write-up! I'm not sure who that is with the guitar string in his mouth--it could be Spencer, only he's a keyboardist--but you can be sure it isn't Dan, the guitarist & lead vocalist of WP.

This kind of amateurish journalism is what makes me want to quit the whole writing thing and become a hermit somewhere in Appalaicha. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Despicably Yours,
Jeremy Brendan
"Jeremy Brendan--My Life as a Reptile"

P.S. I still love y'all but redress is in order, wouldn't you say?

We shall see if they have the cojones to publish it in their "Letters" section. I would be satisfied with a simple correction in a future issue, although a job would be even better. Yes, I am a fucking sell-out. I would cut off my left leg to write for a vital Can-rock magazine like Exclaim.

Still, the email wasn't intended to earn me a spot on their masthead; I just want to see some justice from these navel-gazing scenesters. I am a modern-day John Wilkes, if you will. Let us see if the number 45 gets scrawled on the bathroom walls of Exclaim offices in the near future. Brendan and liberty!

[Ed. Note: JB, how do you expect to get their attention when you're parading around these twenty-dollar words like a pretentious Ontarian? "Redress"? What the fuck? Stick to rock criticism and let the big boys run their business.]

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