Saturday, April 17, 2004

Poultry Webcam a Sure Sign of the Impending Apocalypse

You'd best start reading up on your Biblical Revelations because I'm ninety percent sure that we're approaching the Rapture (in the traditional sense, not the mod dancepunk band responsible for "House of Jealous Lovers"). The garden of Eden is occupied by the world's most powerful army and my generation is obsessed with dancing to vaguely-discoesque breakbeats while chowing down on Presumably Speed (because it usually ends up being a mix of three or four narcotic substances, usually PCP and other naughty shit). For further evidence of the impending apocalypse, visit Subservient

Part of a Burger King ad campaign dedicated to promoting their new chicken sandwich, it is a particularly bizarre cross between a peep show and a burger commercial. I can't imagine where they got the idea for this strange endeavour but it appears to be working according to Wired News, at least in terms of drawing millions of web surfer eyeballs--between 15 and 20 million hits up to this point. What does this tell us about our culture? Are we barbarians who long to watch others commit foul and depraved acts over broadband pipes? We've all seen at least one reality show in our lives by now so I suppose we're all a tiny bit guilty. Plus, we can't forget the Internet's main reason for creation: dissemination of pornography (unless you count the Geek Speak of the Arpanet days before the 90's).

At least the chicken in question is not really performing live. Instead, certain keywords will produce the desired dance move (my request for the YMCA dance worked perfectly) while others have been blocked out so as not to offend the prudish minority that would probably sue BK for millions if they got the chance.

Perhaps this is just a sign that advertisers are running out of ways to drag us into their outlet stores. Just like my belly button is no longer a source of tickling due to my many years of vigilant attention, Madison Avenue has lost it's Jedi Mind Trickery, their God-like power to influence purchases and "grow market share". Also, brand recognition is starting to become a sort of Custer's Last Stand for companies, with certain behemoths sure to lose out to smaller, lankier rivals. (American Apparel is a great example of this. Worker owned and operated, they pay a living wage and offer great benefits, as opposed to Nike, which has done nothing to earn our love besides paying Jordan more than it's whole workforce earns in twenty years of sewing).

Realizing that they've already tried seducing us, frightening us out of our wits, and mocking the establishment to curry our favour, the ad agencies are beginning to seek desperate measures, ie. guerrilla marketing concepts. In other words, dress up some poor sap in a yellow bird outfit and force him to contort his limbs on computer screens around the world. Maybe that will make them buy our sandwich.

I've already devoted too much time to this "Man Bites Dog" story but visit Subservient and see for yourself if the heavens will be raining fire in the near future.

No comments: